Not sure if you still cares but i misses you. I still think of you now & then. I still keep your messages & i still read it at times. IMYSM! I know i shouldn't had but it's hard cause i think i have already fell deeply. I still shed tears whenever i read those sweet messages you sent, whenever i look at your pictures, the images of you keep popping inside my head, everything. What should i do? What should i do to stop crying? I'm really ............. .I still love you as much as ever. I wish we could turn back time so i can enjoy every moment slowly and wisely.
Labels : Sometimes I really felt like I'm a fool.. All I want is the truth, not white lies.
To be frank, i'm not sure and do not know what you had heard but it's freaking obvious it's about me. I'm not dumb! I linked the messages you sent before you update those facebook status of yours and poof ! ----> It's about me!
If you are gonna assume it then i seriously got nothing to say. Really. You wanna be disappointed in me, you feel i backstabbed you, you wanna fake smile with me, then let it be. I can't be bothered anymore, really. I don't care anymore, it's none of my business. I'm the bad person here.
I thought you know me well, i thought you understand me but hey! I'm wrong. You don't, so yeah. No point talking anymore. It's useless now. You had already believed in what you heard, so let it be. Don't apologise to me cause you ain't in any fault cause it's your own belief, no one can blame you for that. I got nothing to say to except for bye. Hah! BYE!
Everybody's saying different stuffs, i really don't know who to believe but i guess for now i'm just gonna believe in myself. Because the truth will come to light one day! :) ..
I got many friends! But there is only 2 friends which i really considered them as my real true friends. They are friends that i can lean on, friends that i can share stuffs with, friends whom i know will never backstab me, friends that will never believe in what others say because they understand me well, friends that will be there for me when i need help, friends that will always be there if i'm down. They are more then just best friends to me. They are Huizhu and Lynn! :D
Labels : Past is a good place to visit, but certainly not a good place to stay.
School starting soon and i can't wait! Can't wait to see my friends, i misses them so much! :D
Slacked at triple 8 yesterday along with Yong An and Benjamin. Ate supper and we chit-chatting. We talked a lot and i reached home at 4plus am, i was too tired so i left first. Slept only for a little while as i need to visit my ahgong at the temple. So yeah. Walked around civic center with my parents and here i'm back home.
Actually those above isn't the stuffs that i wanna blog about. Before i even starts to type anything, there are many stuffs inside my head. Stuffs that i wanna blog to express my feelings out but i can't seems to type it down and i don't know why. But perhaps the word "FUCKING APRIL" has summarized everything that i wanna say?
For now all i can say is that i miss it, i miss every moment, i miss everything. I'm smiling and joking to everyone, telling them i'm totally cool about it but deep down i know i'm not. I'm not even a single bit of okay or fine. Everything seems like a dream to me. Everything just stop and changed in a blink of eye. I don't even have enough time to enjoy it, to feel it but end up it's not real, true. Everything's fake, it's meant nothing, it's meaningless, it was all an act. It's out of guilt, etc. One thing that hurt me the most and deeply is that word you said ,.............. .............. . I'm crying inside every minute, that kind of pain i wonder who understands.
I just can`t understand the ways Of all the men and their mistakes, You give them all your heart And then they rip it all away... You told me how much you loved me, And how our love was meant to be. And I believed in you, I thought that you would set me free... You should`ve just told me the truth, That I wasn`t the girl for you... Still I didn`t have a clue, So my heart depended on you...Whoah Although I’ll say `I hate you` now, Though I’ll shout and curse you out... I`ll always have love for you, Because I am a girl. Been told a man will leave you cold, Get sick of you and bored... I know that it`s no lie, I gave my all still I just cry. Never again will I be fooled, To give my all when nothing`s true... I won`t be played again, But I will fall in love again... You should`ve just told me the truth, That I wasn`t the girl for you... Still I didn`t have a clue, So my heart depended on you...Whoah Although I’ll say `I hate you` now, Though I’ll shout and curse you out... I`ll always have love for you, Because I am a girl. I loved you so... Now you leave me in the cold, How could this be? I thought that you`d only love me... Into the night, I will pray that you`re all right. You hurt me so, I just can`t let you go --- You took advantage of my willingness, To do anything for love. Now I’m the only one in pain... Will you please take it all away…Oh Never thought born being a girl, How I can love you and be burned... And now I will build a wall, To never get torn again. Although I’ll say `I hate you` now, Though I’ll shout and curse you out... I`ll always have love for you, Because I am a girl. Although I’ll say `I hate you` now, Though I’ll shout and curse you out... I`ll always have love for you, Because I am… a girl.
Labels : No one ever gets tired of loving. But everyone gets tired of waiting, assuming, hearing lies and hurting.
This isn't a prank or a joke or something. It's true. Things happened for a reason and all i have to do is to just accept everything with no anger and sadness. I just got to move on. I know it's gonna take some time cause i fell deeply but with all my friends by my side to support me, to cheer me and everything, i believe i'm able to. Fake smile it may be, i really don't care now. All I want is to show the strong me and not the weak one. I don't wish to see anyone worrying about me. I just have to smile at everything and stay on strong with my life.
Thanks to those who sent me texts, call me up, facebook message me or any other ways trying to contact me just to cheer me up. Thanks, really. And to the god brother of mine, thanks for coming down all the way from your area to mine in late night when i was crying on the phone. Thanks for the talk, the cheering, the jokes and everything. I can never thank you enough for all that. Thanks for being there when i'm down. You are really a great brother.
Labels : It's never the tears that measure the pain, sometimes it's the smile we fake.
As you guessed it, i hasn't been in any mood lately. I don't know what's wrong with me, seriously. Too much thoughts been running inside my head & it's making me tired. When i say tired, i'm not referring to physically tired but rather mentally. Well, i want a stop to this. I wanna start anew, i wanna forget about the pain, the tears, the sadness, the thoughts. I just want the old Mileen back. The one my friend known as the girl who love smiling. So that's my plan. To be happy and stay happy. It's best for everyone plus i don't wish to see all my friends worrying about me. I'm alright now, totally fine :D.
Anyway, see the girl up there in that picture? It's Nana! I miss her! And school's starting so sooon, i can't wait. She's my bestie in my class at ITE. April 11 please come faster! You guys know what? I have already been packing my stuffs for school. Done washing my uniform and everything. I guess i'm just too excited for school :D. Last week of holidays before school starts so i got to meetup with all my friends before everyone starts to be busy! ^^
Not too sure what should i blog but there's totally nothing for me to do now. It's seriously a freaking boring Sunday.
Just had my dinner and i actually just realised that my appetite for food actually decreases as in i can't seems to eat as much as how i used to. Maybe it's because of my constant of not eating anything due to my loss of appetite these few days.
Anyway Smiley Mileen is back! The one that all my friends adore. No more pain, no more tears, no more mixed feelings. Just that happy and cheerful me. The one who can get happy easily over little little things. The one that loves smiling a lot. The one that loves joking around. The one that's always hiding my true self in front of my friends as in i don't usually show out if i'm sad or angry. That's me! :D Right now i'm waiting. Like since 12plus noon till now. Not sure what's _ doing but i just hope _ will feel much better by now? I'm worried. Feel like calling up but not sure what should i say. sighs!
LASTLY! SCHOOL'S STARTING VERY SOOOON! And i somehow missed the days in WRSS! Its was so fun then compared to ITE life. But still i can't wait for school to starts. Won't be seeing the same classmates as last year. I miss BB class loads! :(
Been wanting to update my blog but i simply was too lazy but today i just got the urge to blog.
I guess whoever is reading this blog post should have already know what i'm gonna blog about but well i wont be talking to much about it as it will go nowhere. Perhaps just a little of my feelings?
I have been thinking a lot lately. I even think further then usual which is something i never had thought. In this time i should be still laying on my bed either resting or sleeping cause i only slept for like 4hours as i went toning with some friends. While walking alone back home, many thoughts been running inside my mind plus with the feeling of walking under the rain is like so nice. ---> sounds so emo, pfft! lol -.- . Anyway, i thought of many many thoughts. Some good, some bad, some funny, some sad, some cute while some hurting. Been having mixed feelings as well, don't know how to explain it but it's like i'm angry yet sad, happy yet jealous. So weird. Because of all these thoughts plus i was tired that a car honked me cause i was nearly hit by it.